Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize