The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
