i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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