you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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