If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
