I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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