yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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