So drunk, too bad you don't want this
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
