Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
