How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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