My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
