I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
