I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
