you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
