she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
