It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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