I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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