Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
