im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
