I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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