Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
