haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
