Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
