these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
