and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
