I got chris browned last night
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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