he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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