Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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