i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
