Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
