sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
