I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
