you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
