I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize