When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
