bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
they need to just BURY HIM!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
