What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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