Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
