don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
