Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
