Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
