I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
