can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
