yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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