my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Someone shattered a urinal.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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