They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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