I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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