omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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