We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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