Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize