She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
