i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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