Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
