he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
