I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
