honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize