Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
