When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
