At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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