I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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