if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
