you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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