This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
