I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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