My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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