So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
