I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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