I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
