Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
