I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
