cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
