He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
