I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize