Kiss
Puke
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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