There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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