Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
