when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
