I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
