Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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