I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
