I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
