I accidentally had phone sex last night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
