This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
