I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
