he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
