Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
