Got a toothbrush?
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
