Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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