You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
