I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
