Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
