So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
