Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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