I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
