hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
